Guest Blog! R Live From Italy!

Vb: Hej, jag skulle vilja beställa en taxi från ballefjongberga till tuttafitti,tack.

Find Five Wrongs

"Connery with his artist wife Micheline at their home in the Bahamas where they live as tax exiles"

Daily Mail

Household Appliances and/or Other Inanimate Objects That Resembles Wu-Tang Members: #1 Ol' Dirty Marlboro AKA Big Baby Lights

More groundbreaking comedy

Hey Hans Christian Andersen, the batman franchise called, they said you would know what it was about

Being Scott Schuman

Fly to Stockholm, receive award, toke up. Just an ordinary day in the life of The Sartorialist!

Guestblog: JUSTICE

Im a very busy man and can't be expected to sit around all day writing stupid stuff on this blog. But, as not to make this blog totally dated I asked Gaspard and Xavier from Justice to write a couple of guest entries..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We are Justice. We don't really kneuw what to write on this blog but we thought we tell you something about an ordinary day in the life of justice. Why we say "we" is because the justice concept invoves the both of us, not just xavier and not just gaspard, but we are beuth the justice concept. Easy, ok?

11:15 We wake up on the sofa in the living-rheum of our appartment, we are vehry theurtsy and need to gheu to the bath-rheum.

11:16 We smeoke a ceegahrette and look out the windheuw.

11:18 We drink some waah-teur and take turns going to the toihleut.

11:26 I Xavier eat a grapefruit, "This is gheud" i say. "It's greuwn in peru" Gaspard says. "Yes, I kneuw that... I kneuw that" I say.

11:37 We smeoke ceegharettes

11:30 I (Gaspard) read the latest fashion and music magazines out aloud on the floor of our rheum, gaspard says "Yes, yes, I kneuw that... I kneuw that". The we (both) takes turn laughing out loud.

11:52 We smeoke ceegharettes

12:11 We smeoke ceegharettes

12:16 We smeoke meore ceegharettes

14:30 I (Gaspard) go out to the beestro to buy some croissants

14:34 In the beestro I ask for Croissants, the lady behind the ceun-theur tells me they only have them on wednesdays and fridays, "Yes, I kneuw that... I kneuw that" I say and laugh. I buy some baguettes instead.

14:36 Still in the beestro, I mistake the wall for the dorway and walk into it.
"Your archeutect should have his head exhameuned" I tell the wheuman behind the counter.

14:48 I (Gaspard) smeoke a ceegharette

14:56 I return to the rheum with a slight headache
"Xavier, my little beardless friend, I am home!" I tell Xavier.

15:12 We smeoke meure ceegharettes

17:30 The doorbell rrreunghs, Gaspard opens it and a man enters the room.
I (Xavier) ask: "And who are yeu?"
The man: "I'm Felix, the journalist, here for my appointment."
I : And what is it yeu deu..?
The man: "I am a journalist from germany"
I : "Yes, yes, I kneuw that... I kneuw that" I say and laugh out loud.
The man turns out to be from a german magazines, here to wuh-sit us in the living-rheum of our appartment for an intheur-view. He asks us if we know that our video "Stress" has been boycotted on several german tv station for being racist? "Yes, we kneuw that... we kneuw that", we tell him. I explain to the journalist that we are very peuh-litical "I might even be pehrseuded to ruhn for the Peublic Office" I say.

17: 36 The jheurnalist compliments us on our room, I ask him what he means. He says "This is a beautiful room you have here", "Monsieur..Don't try to be funnayyyy with me, ok" I tell him somewhat aggrevated. He gets uneasy and starts pointing at the walls of the rheum.
I (Xavier): This is a rheum??
Journalist: Yes, this is a room
I : Yes, I kneow that... I kneow that, a rheumm... that is what I have been saying you idiot!"

17:45 The journalist leaves I tell Gaspard "That man is crahzy!"

17:46 We smeoke ceegharettes

18:15 The Pheun rings: "Gaspard, the phewn is rrrengeng!" i tell gaspard. It's Pedro Winter calling asking us if we would like to go to a pool party tomorrow.
"Does Monsieur Kanye West 'ave a sweemang poohl?" I ask him, "yes" he replies.
"Yes, I kneow that... I kneow that" I tell him laughing.
Pedro enquires as to what we are doing tonight, "Well... yeu kneauw, a little bit of zis and a little bit of zat" I tell him.

18:38 I (Gaspard) have xavier trim my beard, he takes 'euf a little too much, i get angry and tell hum "Swine Parrot! That is my own personal mustache!"
Xaviuer asks what I mean. "Monsieur..Don't try to be funnayyyy with me" I tell him.

18:54 We smeoke ceegharettes

19:24 We smeoke ceegharettes

21:00 We drink pastis toghether, Gaspard falls on the fleuhr in our rheum, I tell him "You must be care-feoul, you have ra-ceived a bimp, One could get a concusion from such a bimp". "Yes, I kneuw that... I kneuw that" Gaspard answers.

23:00 We go to sleep.

/Xavier et Gaspard

Who Loves You More Than All The Other Goats: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Charter Holidays

Someone said travel was too important to be left to the casual traveller. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might or might not have been right. But today, travel is too important to be left to the mear laymen. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought required for this complicated task. So as I took this to heart I made myself a reservation and left myself in the secure hands of the true professionals on a charter holiday to greece.

Before I went I had a kinda clichéd view of the greece island world and it's inhabitants. I expected toothless bearded small old men sitting and talking to donkeys outside of white chalked houses, screaming british tourists, bi-langual menus selling fish and chips in 5 different languages and tons and tons and tons of playing cards sold in every store depicting people having intercourse in weird positions.

This mental image turned out to be one hunderd percent true.

I did find it very interesting though, that when on a charter holiday, all normal human appreciation of what is is good or bad taste, what is beautiful resp. ugly and considered bad or good behaviour suddenly are put on their head, the rules of the society as a whole doesn't apply anymore, its like a small micro cosmos in it self that adheres to laws beyond man. The notion that your fellow peers should judge you by how smart, social or funny you are turns out to be a big lie. Instead what seems to be the only important factor in deeming if you are a person fit to live and not be shunned in society is your ability to be very very excited about very very small mundane things most people with any sense should think sucked in their normal enviroment. Try not oooohing -and aaaaahing at a kid who manages to eat two forks of some dry mousaka or as the guide explains just why these rubbles of rock are a very important landmark in the history of man, questioning the good sence of taking a collective 3 hours bicycle trip around the island in the middle of the day when it's 40 degrees celsius or perhaps the deadliest sin of all, refusal to leave the turist bus to eat some "traditional" de-frozen, frozen and de-frozen again meat at a "local taverna" from a lady which looks like hygiene is not on the top-50 in here list of priorities in life, and watch the general mood amongst the crowd turn sourer than that in a concentration camp where everyone is having a bad hair day and they just promoted you to Obersturmbannführer of the day.

My fellow travellers were also an interesting bunch. Divided up into two groups we had the family and the single travellers. The single travellers were almost all men and women in there late 30s/early 40s. Tied together by their almost scary physical abnormalities, they were almost all eighter extremely skin- bordering on anorexia or really, really fat, had weird acne-scars, were crossed-eyed, looked generally mentally retarded and so on. It was like everyone that visited this particular resort was last in line when god handed out looks to people and they were all
treated to a random potpourrie of physical deformities. Im seriously not kidding, I felt really bad for the cleaning staff, expecting them having to clean away random body parts from the pool area at the end of the day like in a modern suntanned lepre colony. The other thing that seemed to be a common denominator for the people at the serost was the total lack of irony. Picture this: A cover-band consisting of a trio of heavy set danish men nearing their 50s performing Neil Youngs "My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue)" to a packed crowd of 30 -to 50 year old couples and their children, and watching both the crowd and the band getting really wound up, sining along as they reached the cresendo part - "It's better to burn out than fade away". All ending in hysterious cheer and a general recognition factor with the lyrics..

I can picture the scene before me: Aliens have finally landed on our planet, at the Langley resort on crete. As they exit their saucer-shaped vessle, they greet everyone and promises peace, enlightment and unthinkable technical and medical breakthroughs. As they make their way into the crowd, start shaking hands, mingle and make small talk with the people, after five minutes you can see the aliens starting to get a bit uneasy, come five more minutes, the head alien makes a bogus made-up-excuse about how he forgot a really important appointment and they all make their hasty way, semi-running back to the ship, flying away never to be seen again.

...and i hate to be the one accused of racial stereotyping, but consider this: If you are man from the middle east, you weight in at around 130 kilos, you have a huge shady looking moustash accentuated by body hair in places i didn't even know was possible, and most probably was voted "most likely to approach me with a 'great deal', wanting to sell a small animal or a kalashnikov from the trunk of your old mercedes"- in your high school yearbook, seeing as you are in a pretty homogeneous environment, perhaps the low-key approach is in order. If there are any men fitting this description, the following approach is NOT in order, and should be avoided if possible: First off, letting your kids swim around naked in the childrens pool, secondly, when the inevitable occurs and you sit there together with you kid, turds swimming all around you while everyone else exits the pool. Don't make it a point of slowly removing the turds one by one and keep bathing. This is not a healthy enviroment for neighter you nor your small ones. Third, when being confronted by another parent on your behavior, Don't - I repeat, DO NOT brush it off with the phrase "How do you think kids in bangladesh manages", - they dont! Bangladesh has one of the lovest life expenctency rates in the world and a staggering under-5 years mortality rate for children due to the lack of just that, hygiene.

Another thing which seem to be a favourite amongst the charter crowd is the chineese sign tattoos. Without a doubt the king of stupid things to mark ones body, one might be easily lead to believe the tribal or any form of the classic 'hobo'/seaman tattoo is the epidome of general bad taste, this if of course not true at all, they all take a backseat to this, the utter mark that you suck as a person (specially if you are a man), have no fantasy and should generally be classified as something of a paria. On top of that, should the person wearing one wan't to approach you in conversation about his tattoo and in a "funny way" laugh it off, explaining that this was done a long time ago, take no note, if he was a moron 5 years ago, chances are his personal growth has not been all that great and he is most likely to still be one today, or even worse, should he start off on how it represents a major event or significant personal change in his life you know it's time to make a run for it. So unless your holding the seven sacred daggers of megiddo and are ready to use them, people with chineese sign tattoos should generally be approached (if all) with extreme caution as it's the closest man-made thing to a birth mark saying "666" on your scalp and chances are you are standing opposite a guy who is only born every
two thousand years when the planets are perfectly alligned and the earth is soon abouth the be scorched and drenched in human blood bringing an end to the rule of man and the ressurection of the dark lord...

Manhattan

"Why is life worth living? It's a very good question. Um... Well, There are certain things I guess that make it worthwhile. uh... Like what... okay... um... For me, uh... ooh... I would say... what, Groucho Marx, to name one thing... uh... um... and Wilie Mays... and um... the 2nd movement of the Jupiter Symphony... and um... Louis Armstrong, recording of Potato Head Blues... um... Swedish movies, naturally... Sentimental Education by Flaubert... uh... Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra... um... those incredible Apples and Pears by Cezanne... uh... the crabs at Sam Wo's... uh... Tracy's face..."

A Primer On Fake Party(!) Albums

Copy, repackage and sell it as your own original stuff in an askew context - typical blogger behaviour? If thats true, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys must be hailed as the original blogger. It was late 1965, and having just started out his lifelong affair with schizophrenia, candy bars and drug (ab)use on an industrial scale, the Beach Boys mastermind was under pressure from then record company Capital Records to put out a new album for the very lucrative christmas season.

Brian, already a bit 'under the weather' and not feeling very compelled on writing new material contemplated what to do.. In the light of the previous years release, a live album titled Beach Boys Concert who released to some success, it suddenly came to Brian. He would make another live album! "But hmm", thought Brian, this is the year when my various mental illnesses and drug abuse stopped me from being able to perform on stage, "what to do, what to do" - Suddenly "eureka", a strike of genius suddenly made Brian fall off his chair and into the sand covering the floor of his santa monica appartment. "I will record a studio album only featuring other peoples songs and market it as a live album"!

Said and done. Brian gathered the rest of his dynamic pop duo plus some friends and during september and october they rehearsed some current and old 'hits'. The subsequent album "Beach Boys' Party!" was presented as a live recording, although all the songs were prerecorded and mixed carefully, plus a laughter and background chatter later mixed in during postproduction to give the appearance of the whole thing being recorded at a - yeah thats right - Beach Boys Party.

The song selection on the album contains some surprises, two particular artists covered stands out, first off Phil Spector. Wilsons relationship to Spector was kinda twisted, at times vieving him, as his greatest inspiration, and at other times, as his greatest competition, fearing and hating him with a passion. Both fellow weirdo geniuses, and both recorded almost exclusively in mono, Spector to acchieve his 'wall of sound' and Brian due to his partial deafness.

Another choice was to cover two songs by the beatles. Nick Kent, rock journalist for NME in it's heydays (and perhaps more of a rock star than any of the artists he covered) exposed some of the madness of Brian and his twisted relationship with the Beatles in general and Paul McCartney in particulair in his book "The Dark Stuff". Kent recounts of McCartney’s visit to Brians house in 1974, where a drugged up and paranoid Brian refused to answer the door and letting in his 'friend':

"It was all to do with... something about Paul McCartney once claiming that Brian’s song 'God Only Knows' was the greatest pop song ever written. And in his mind it had all become hopelessly twisted. Like, if 'God Only Knows' is the greatest song ever written then I'll never write anything as good again! And if I never write anything as good, then I'm finished. I'm a has-been and a wash-up, just like everyone keeps saying".

Anyway, the record later released and was a suprise hit. Although not featuring a proper single (which was unusual at the times), it ended up outselling the Beach Boys masterpiece Pet Sounds. And truth be told, it's a pretty, pretty good album, atleast on the Beatles/Phil Spector/Bob Dylan cover parts, plus featuring a truly wonderful medley of "I Get Around/Little Deuce Coupe"...

...Which leads us straight on to Canadian rockers Sloan who 30 years later adopted Wilsons concept and released "Recorded Live at a Sloan Party!" The Album was featured as a bonus to the 1996 album 'One Chord to Another' exclusively for the US release/market. One Chord to Another didn't sell very well in the US, for the simple reason that it wasn't a very good album (imo), so the 'party album' is somewhat of a rarity as an original pressing nowadays. Anyway, although the "One Chord.." album wasn't very good, the "Live"-album was!

Sloan recorded 10 songs (including two of their own, "I am the cancer" & "I can Feel It") using the Beach Boys approach, down to the gimmicky talk and partysounds between the tracks, there is although a giveaway in the middle of the 'Transona Five/On The Road Again" medley where Jay Ferguson "walks outside" and talks to an over-enthusiastic fan in the middle of the song... But, some true pop gems are included on the release, my favourites are the fantastic cover of Roxy Musics "Over You" and "Stood Up", originally recorded by Matthew Grimson plus a wonderful pop gem in April Wine's "I Wouldn't Want to Lose Your Love"


Beach Boys - You've Got To Hide Your Love Away (John Lennon/Paul McCartney)

Beach Boys - There's No Other Like My Baby (Phil Spector/Leroy Bates)

Sloan - Stood Up (Matthew Grimson)

Sloan - Over You (Bryan Ferry/Roxy Music)

The unbearable nakedness of streetwear

from: ******@gmail.com
subject: The incident at SlamJam Milan
date: wednesday 14 may 2008 09.13.12 GMT+02:00
to: ********@slamjam.com

Dear Customer Service,

Let me first say that I have enjoyed your fine customer support in the past and the countless items I have bought from you and the SlamJam webshop over the years. I have definitely seen the results of the obvious hard work you and the rest of the staff has put into the creation of both your web -and your physical stores and the streetwear gems you provide to the european public.

I'm sure the news of the nude man being forcibly thrown out of your Milan store last Saturday afternoon by two members of your (very well dressed) store staff has reached you at the web department by this point. I was that man. I would very much like the opportunity to explain my side of the story and the background to the events that prompted two of your staff to physically throw me out of the store (I do not speak Italian, but I'm quite certain the taller of the staff member with the slight beard also insulted me in your language).

I would first like to clear up the cause of my nakedness. Obviously I didnt enter your store without any clothing on, I would never do such a thing, and your staff would hardly have allowed me entrance had I tried. It all started in your dressing room. I do not normally use dressing rooms, in fact, I avoid them with a vengance. I often feel very uneasy when confined to such a small closed space as a dressing room. When shopping for clothes I make a habit of buying several sizes of one item and trying them on at home, finding the right one suited to my generous build and returning the rest. Hovever, last weekend I was away on a business trip to Milan, having saturday off, I decided to give your store a visit since I only ever had contact with your webstore in the past.

First let me explain that when entering such small confined spaces as a dressing room I get very anxious and as a result have to remove all of my clothes, I have motives for doing so and I would rather not get into that here and now. It's a personal thing so lets just leave it at that. The point is, after gathering a few carefully selected items from within your store (a neighborhood striped apron shirt and a pair of resonate patchwork shorts), I went into the dressingroom and got completely naked. Being a very small dressing room I slipped the clothing I was wearing under the gap to the outside of the dressing room, but I would have never thought that some rotten thief would swipe my garments in such a nice store as yours while I tried on my carefully selected items. Nevertheless, that's what happened last saturday and therefore this is the reason I showed up naked inside your store.

Instead of assisting me in apprehending the clothing thief or even taking a moment to inquire how I became stripped of my clothing, I was tackled by your two employees and subsequently dragged out the front door. I was not given the chance to clarify my situation to the staff, they simply ignored my pleas, the slightly bearded tall man simply screamed at me in italian and repeated the word "police", by their tone of voice I assume the pledge for the police was in regards to my nakedness in your store and not for a helping hand in alerting the authorities to the precence of a clothing thief nearby. As if I and not the thief should be of interest for the police.

Needless to say, finding a taxi in Milan for a generously built naked swedish guy is not an easy task, luckily my hotel was located nearby at Via Luigi Porro Lambertenghi, but I cannot stress enough how awkward the run back to the hotel was.

This is my explanation to the story, though a few loose ends remain. I hold SlamJam primarily responsible for the loss of my clothing, which included the following:

A Neighborhood T-Shirt in XXL (mind, these are very hard to come by in this size)
A pair of Zara boxer shorts
A pair of Neighborhood 'Savage Basic' Jeans
A pair of 'Cowhide' Visvim FBT size 11
A SonyEricsson W910i Cell phone
A TruckerCap with the words "Jävla måsar"

My Wallet containing:

hotel roomcard (which I had to reimburse the loss of with the sum of 50 Euros)
a picture of my cat "pixie"
Master/Visacard
Approx 120 Euros in Cash
etc..

All of these things were stolen from me in your dressing room last saturday and due to the thoughtless actions your store staff chose to take in throwing me out naked into the street I failed to apprehend the thief who stole my property. In a nutshell, the employees at SlamJam allowed the clothing thief to flee! Now that you know exactly what transpired last saturday, I would like to know what you plan to do to amend this as I would like to return to your store with dignity at a later time. I want the truth and not some made up bogus explanation. Keep in mind that I am not a person that you can easily fool, so please do not attempt to patronize me. Pending the response to this matter, I will postpone the further purchase of any products from your webstore.

Regards

xxxxx, Sweden

Coined In The Realm Of Celeb Couples

Brangelina, Bennifer and Tomkat, old-fashioned coined couple names which I guess are all fine and dandy for recognition purpose, but they don't quite pack that instant punch. Here's a list of my preferred famous and semi-famous people that emediately should start dating, get engaged or married for the best sounding couple-names:

Liz Hurley & Chris Farley = laissez-faire

Pedro Almodovar & Haile Selassie = The Pederastas

Paul Van Dyk & Fat Joe = TransFat

Milhouse & all the members of Split Enz = RootinTootinVanHouten

Bobby Gillespie & Sokrates = Bobbysocks

Carrie Fisher & Katie Price = Selfexplanatory

Prince & Freddy Prinze jr = Prince (prince don't share)

How To Lose Friends & Alienate People

Disclaimer: As a response to the public outcry for more of my personal life on this blog, I will try to distance myself from my standard format of "virtual scrapbook" and involve you my dear readers into the interesting happenings of my daily life. But be warned, my life if an endless stream of personal growth and has all the elements of a really good porno movie without any actual intercourse going on, so I hope you can keep up with a life in the fast lane.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Children are different from adults simply because they lack the experience that adults draw there behaviour upon. A large part of the growing up process involves the gradual accumulation of knowledge, learning how to use that knowledge and the social context in which to apply it, as a result the child gains insight into what is deemed as socially appropriate behaviour and what is not.

Although a continious life long process, there is usually a point when you start to understand the driving forces behind this process of socialization, which also gives you the oppurtunity to stop being passive and get involved, this of course gives you some choices..

For a long time I was under the impression that there is an easy identifiable divider for people, usually taking place between the ages of ten to fifteen, when you start to tone down or hide stuff you like that is generally considered to be (in) bad taste and learn the difference between thinking something and saying it out loud, i.e. you start functioning as a productive member of society..

On the opposite side of the spectra, you of course have the route of fully embracing all of your bad habits, going all-out Larry David style on people, airing your grievancies with all and any people you meet, never letting anything slip, and generally being (perceived) as moody and sometimes full on sociopathic..

Having always looked upon myself as a person pretty well adapted to society, lately I have started to notices cracks in the facade, letting things slip that would have been unthinkable a couple of years ago and generally getting into pretty awkward situations in my daily dealings with people. Perhaps this can be credited to old age (this is probably the most realistic explanation as senior citizens without exception always seem to have opted for the second route), premature dementia or just to get some kind of weird subconscious kick, I dare not even fathom to think about the underlying psychological workings of this..

But, since this is the web and I'm hiding under a wet cloth of semi anonymity, off the top off my head, here are some things I've said, done and thought during the last days that might be considered in poor taste and/or general despicable behavoir..

1# humor backfire
Asked one of the teachers at the daycare center if it was safe for my son to play with "robocop", referring to a kid with two large metal hearing devices glued onto his head, did not go down very well as we apparenly were not very 'humour compatible'.

2# fighting the corporate bigwigs of greenpeace
There was some heavy campaigning by greenpeace going on all last week at my local subway station, taking signatures, recruiting new members and whathaveyounot. The campaigning involved two guys, one looking like the stereotypical greenpeace person, deadlocks, hemp(?) clothing and general unpleasant appearance, and a second guy sporting extremely short hair and shortsleeve shirts, looking like your typical cult person. These are my daily dealings with these persons:
Day 1. approcahed by dirty dreadlock guy, lied about already being a paying member and left.
Day 2. Approached by cult guy, said i supported them in spirit but had to excuse myself as I was super hungry and already late to pick up my takeaway tuna/cod sashimi.
Day 3. Was approached by cult guy again, was somewhat annoyed, promised to join up the day they release Jacques Costeau from his shackles below deck on the Rainbow Warrior II. Cult guy asked what i meant, i left.
Day 4. Approcahed by dreadlock person, gave him a familiar nod of the head and speaking in a very low tone of woice, asked him how much the hashish was.
Day 5. Dreadlock guy in attendance, did not approach.
As a little meta-revenge, I've also been drinking three glasses of milk religiously every day, which from any resource/eco substainability/production perspective must be considered the liquid equivalent of taking a really big shit on the planet.

3# Being a man of poor taste
Told a bad joke about Josef Fritlz and the basement kids, just to get the anticipated reaction and have the oppurtunity to adopt the facial expression of a stupid cocker spaniel and say "TOO SOON"?

#4 Bestiality
Watched the new Mariah Carey Video several times over and got somewhat aroused.

#5 More poor taste
Found myself really liking the Mariah Carey song.

#6 Poor negotiating skills
Got into a very heated argument that borderlined fighting with a 80-year old lady over a handicap seat on the bus..

#7 Being bill o'reilly
Refused to back down in an argument about how Tibet should be grateful being occupied by China although I don't really know anything about tibet/have any substatial stuff to back up my point of view.. But hey, I was right in principle, if Tibet had been an animal, it would most likely have been some kind of a freak animal like a manbearpig, long ago extinct. I mean, how can you take a state seriously who elects their leader for life when he's 2 years old based on the notion that he is some kind of reincarnated Lama? And considering 99% of the people are munks, how does any new tibetians come about, are they imported, it baffles the mind? And finally, when the biggest supporter of your religion is Richard Gere, you know it's time to move on..

#8 The OZ incident
went for lunch with work at a church which doubles as a halfway house thing for ex-cons, cooking and working in the kitchen to get re-acclimated into society. Was served my broccoli soup by a huge guy with tattoos all over his forearms and neck, asked if he still abided by prison rules and if, wouldn't cooking and serving me officially make him my "bitch"? Actually, this isn't compeltely true, as I just thought it and never spoke it, self preservation seems to sometimes override the lust for social akwardness.

..Anyway, these are just some personal reflections, but they miracously ties in nicely to what I actually was gonna write about, The news of how Tony Youngs fantastic "memoirs" "How to Lose Friends & Alienate People" is being developed into a movie, and the not so fantastic news of the casting of the movie. Simon Pegg as Toby, not very fucking likely, the whole premise of the book starts and ends with Toby being a BALD MAN!! Say it with me, Toby = Bald, Simon = Not Bald. Plus everything Pegg's done after Shaun of the dead, especially that latest movie where he ran a marathon has been really shitty. The only good casting news would be Jeff bridges, who im sure will make an excellent Graydon Carter and a return of Gillian Anderson - boom, an instant 20 million in revenues from jerkoff deprived x-files fans!

Sit Down, Shut Up

And in other, other Arrested Developments news, "Sit Down, Shut Up" was an Australian sitcom that aired from February to June in 2001 for a total of 13 episodes. The story was based around seven techers at a very dysfunctional high school. Arrested Development creator Michael Hurvitz was previously reported to be sitting down in talks with Fox about the possibility of making an american version of said sitcom, and a couple of days ago it was made official. Josh Weinstein and Bill Oakley will act as producers of the new show, both having worked as producers for The Simpsons during the series best years.

The 'new' show will be an animated series and will be the closest we'll get to a Arrested Development reunion this side of the might-be Arrested movie, featuring a cast (or atleast voices of the cast) that will include Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, and Henry Winkler, all from Arrested fame. Should be a pretty easy feat for Will Arnett since he seems to be pretty much focusing his career on voiceovers in these days, now latest as Horst the chef in "ratatouille" and Vlad in "horton hears a who", perhaps he will even get some vindication after loosing out on the role of a lifetime? Arnett seemd to have landed the ultimate role in the history of movies, he was to star as the voice of K.I.T.T. in the upcoming "Knightrider" movie.. but.. after having completed all of his voice work lightning strook! For the last decade or so, Arnett has been the official voice of GMC trucks, doing voiceovers for General Motors, and the new K.I.T.T is strangely enough "played" by a Ford Mustang. Ford was of course not having any of it and sacked Arnett from the part, replacing him with Val Kilmer. I'm digressing.. anyway, looks good.. well physched.. any questions?

More Stuff White People Like

"Can You Lend A Nigga A Pencil?"

Link to more information

Swiss Scientists Opts To Tear Your Soul Apart By Late Summer

Read an article earlier today in one of the Swedish morning papers about the soon-to-be launched CERN Large Hadron Collider.

Scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in Switzerland, the worlds only particle accelerator are in the process of trying to recreate a miniature Big Bang. The aim is to investigate the origins of the universe by finding proof of existence of up until now unknown particles, and to ratify or falsify two of particle physics more controversial theorys, the one about supersymmetry and the one about extra hidden dimensions, unperceivable by our human measly three space dimensions plus one time dimension.

Some concerns has previously been raised against the LHC, earlier this year two Russian scientists raised their fingers in warning, claiming the device may actually create a rip in the fabric of time, working as the worlds first time machine. But I'm not really that bothered about this, having tried out this time-travel stuff before myself, the only thing I managed to create was a rip in the fabric of my brand new sweater (no sultans of ping fc).

So, I continued to read the article until I came half way through, then i froze where i sat! The article told that as a side effect to this particle smashing business, the scientists claims that there is a good chance the experiment will result in opening new doors to unknown universes and dimensions.

WTF, what's wrong with these people? Have these genius-retards never heard of Clive Barker?? You should never play with the lament configuration box, and never ever ever open up ANY doors to other dimensions.. never ever.. So, better book your summer holidays soon, cause the weather forecast for late august calls for high humidity, tons of extradimensional Cenobites up in this, and rusty chains tearing at human flesh. Ooh, and I hope you have enjoyed this blog post, cause down the dark decades of your pain, this will seem like a memory of heaven.

Only Built 4 Cuban Linx...

If this blog was Big Pun and the Internet was a Kentucky Fried Chicken Restaurant, we've just had two big buckets of golden extra crispy^TM chicken with a side-order of Mac & Cheese! Yes that's right - we've been linked! One huge leap towards full Internet playa status!

Many thanks to the italian connection B over at urbancamou for the linkage, and seeing as how no good deed goes unpunished I command you to visit him NOW!!!

Stuff White People Like

I generally try to avoid skate videos in general and people who skateboard in particular. Mostly beacuse I feel that people who skateboard and senior citizens are pretty much cut from the same cloth, i.e. they both usually have a slight odour of urine surrounding their persona, have a stagnated perception of the world around them, are scared of change, self absorbed, feel the world owns them something and generally make for very poor conversation partners.

I will however make an exception for the Fully Flared Video from Lakai. Directed by Spike Jonze, Cory Weincheque and Ty Evans. Mostly because the Video makes use of some of the best music available from the late 80s and early nineties, Charlatans, Echo & The Bunnymen and Q Lazzarus are just some of the gems from the musical score. Pearls for swines i say, giving such good stuff to the general skateboarding public is like serving a starving ethiopian a fine dinner consisting of, oh, lets say boeuf de Bourgogne, he will proably think it's good because he's pretty hungry, not having eaten anything but spongy bread and rice his entire life, but will never be able to fully appreciate the sublime nuances of the dry 2005 Oliver Leflaive Cuvee Margotwine used to soak the beef overnight, or that small hint of dark chocolate crowning the dish.

The other reason is the intro sequence for the video, using the amazing musical score of "Lower Your Eyelids to Die With the Sun" by french shoegazing duo "M83", it features tons of shit being blown up with napalm (alledgedly) in slow motion. No trick filming was used, and the footage makes for a pretty epic experience. If I wasn't such a cultivated and refined renaissance man I probably would've made a little peepee in my pants, heading straight down to the local skate park.

Massimo Vignelli

And on a more serious note... Weather you know it or not, chances are you have some feelings and.. to the work of Massimo Vignelli.

Eek, A Penis!

..So I went to the David LaChapelle exhibition at the Museum of Photography in Stockholm. All-in-all a pretty impressive body of work that was on display. LaChapelle started out working under Warhol in the hey-days of Interview Magazine (Warhol is also depicted in the oldest piece of the show), LaChapelle later moved on and pretty much set the visual tone for a large part of photography in the nineties. You pretty much know what to expect of him - big, bold and general larger than life works, of which you no doubt seen atleast half. Not very big on the subtle stuff, imo it's in some of the more low-key (low key for LaChapelle, not the rest of the human race) portrait stuff his work has aged the best. They were also showing two videos of the creative process, and it was a nice suprise to see how much of the work that is actually done pre-shoot, I thought it was mostly postproduction in photoshop, but apparently LaChapelle goes as far as to actually have the backdrops painbrushed beforehand in the studio. He also displayed some newer work with some kind of a white trash theme, good to see that he's willing to try new stuff, but it all felt very much like editorials from Vice magazine..

I was gonna write some kind of full review coverage, but it proved way to hard and time consuming so to make it easier on myself I've just translated famous Swedish 'glamour' model Natacha Peyre's thoughts on the show:

"David Lachapelle is my favourite photographer, his pictures are so special and unusual and different, and totally crazy. Oh, imagine to one day have my picture taken by him.

Xoxo/Nati"

There you go. I'll leave you with some sneak pics from the show..


From left to right: Lil' Kim, K.I.M, K.I.M, K.I.M, K.I.M, Sofia Coppola, Marc Almond, Gisele, Old Architect Dude, Christian Slater, Andymakesglasses..

If It Ain't Broke..

Interesting read over at Speak Up. Armin has analyzed the posters of the 25 top grossing movies of all time accoring to their respective MPAA ratings (i.e. R, PG-13, G etc) and the color charts used. Allaround Black or dark-hued tones as the predominant color until you reach the PG and G areas, with the forty year old virgin being the only exception to the rule.

Link to more information

Comic Sans

..with courteous thanks to S.K. Azoulay and his bunny for the inspiration

Return of the Frogs

When meating new people that you consider to be prospective future friend or even partners, theres is always good to have a good strategy planned out to easy rule out if you are compatible to save all the hassle of having to end the relationship on the basis of "inconsiderable differences" after a couple of years. There are several good ways to go about this involving gathering information about the persons taste in music, food, feeling about domestic animals and so forth. As a personal preference, I try to get a good feel for how they prefer their vampires.

Usually people are divided up into two pretty homogenous groups mirroring their respective vampire preferences. The first group likes their vampires sexually ambiguous and with sophisticated gentlemanly mannerisms alá Anne Rice, the type more commonly refered to as the "dirty goth vampire-person". As a general warning, this group is to be avoided at all costs. The other group likes their vampires driving badass 80's dirtbikes, listening to cheezy glamrock, rocking flannels and bandanas, I will herby refer to this group of people as the "salt of the earth" (TBH, there are a bunch of other subgroups within the vampire community like the awesome japbike-riding half-vampire with machineguns etc, but it kinda takes away from the argument so lets just leave it at this..)

This of course leads us up to the newly announced follow-up to the movie "The Lost Boys" - "Lost Boys: The Tribe". Another out-of-the-box vampire teen slasher having nothing in common to the original but the title, praying on the lowest common denominator in nostalgia you might think. Well, maybe not.

Once again the story tells the epic tale of two young folks who move into a new town to visit their relatives and find themselves caught up with a bunch of bloodsuckers. Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander are once again the the vampire slaying Frog Brothers, Edgar and Alan and Sutherlands brother Angus serves as the leader of the Vampire pack. Corey Feldman was quoted with saying "I really like the script because it is very close and very true to the structure of the original film — same kind of scares, same kind of laughs, same kind of relationships". If you need more assurance, just look at the leaked pictures from the shoot, looks like the original down to the bandana and flannel, you could be fooled into thinking it was 1987 again if it hadn't been for Feldmans romperstomper tribal on the neck..

And as you see above, we don't just get one Corey for our hard earned money, "The Two Coreys", Corey Feldman and Corey Haim has both been confirmed for roles in the follow-up. And while the producers for obvious reasons couldn't get Keifer Sutherland to reprise his role as the vampire leader, being a pretty 'tight' budget movie and all, they got the next best thing, his brother ANGUS SUTHERLAND, previously and only seen in "Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay".

Originally there was some problems in getting "The two Coreys" together for the project, Only Feldman was originally intended for a role, but after a youtube clip from their show "The two Coreys" where Haim became emotional after Feldman told him that he turned down a part in Lost Boys 2, because Haim was not offered a role, both was eventually offered roles. It just goes to show what a nice guy Feldman is. Good for him on scoring the role I say. God knows the late eighties and nineties hasn't been kind to Corey who's done everything from docusoaps, releasing an album with his own music as well as being a laughing stock in a Swedish humour program. Plus perhaps suffered the ultimate of betraials, where he was abandoned by once-friend Michael Jackson and a group of kids during a visit to Manhattan.. Fellow child star Mccauley Culkin seems like the posterboy for integrity and good career choices in comparison. So lets hope for some vindication and a return to their former glory for the two Coreys in the late 00's with general Coreymania all around!

There seems to be someone over at Warner who likes me also appreciate his 80's nostaligia (not nostaligia in the trivial ironic sense, but nostalgia because the movies was awesome in their own right!) as there is also (allegedly) plans for a "Goonies 2", "Gremlins 3" and a "New Jack City 2"!

The bad(?)news are, that they're all sorting under Warners sub-division "Warner Premiere", the somewhat new entity sorting under WB's umbrella, solely set on producing straight-to-dvd movies, so think rookie directors and low budgets. All-in-all perhaps not an all bad thing, if there are enthusiastic people involved, and without the pressure of having to make a killing at the box(dvd)office, hopefully we will see something really great in line with the original, fingers crossed.

Food for thought.. The olympics, tibet, freedom of speech bla bla bla

Woman pushes and punched man, in an effort to stop him singing 'Yellow'

And in even more Coldplay related news, 21-year old Woman beats up young man for singing "Yellow" in an effort to stop his singing, states "Oh no, not that song. I can't stand that song!"

Link to more information

EXTRA EXTRA: Left over high-contrast footage from "Sin City" to be cut into entierly new movie called "The Spitit".

For economic and creative reasons Frank Miller will also be reusing the music, artwork and typefaces for this new exciting project!
View the Trailer here.

So You Think You're Better Than Tom Cruise...

Well, think again buddy, fact of the matter is you're not!

Speaking in statistical terms you suck and tom cruise rules, even in real terms there's a pretty good chance that Tom is super awesome compared to you. Having replaced Ben Affleck on the media chopping block for the last two years, alot of the stick he has gotten is from know-nothing journalists with not even a shred of the super awesomeness Tom so righfully can claim as his, so I feel a breakdown of just why Tom Cruise is super awesome and you are not is somewhat necessary.

Religion:
Much of the Tom-bashing has been revolving around his involvement with the church of scientology. You belive in some dude who walked on water and liked to feed people fish and wine whom alledgedly lived 2000 years ago, Tom belives in an awesome cool NEW religion from the 1950's with robots, spaceships and a highly scientifical apparatus to measure important stuff, midcentury-modern and fresh at the same time. talk about being truly progressive!!
Verdict: Tom Cruise 1 - You 0.

Love Life:
Tom is by all means probably super gay, you are statistically not gay. Subsequently you should be getting laid with tons of beautiful women and tom should be hanging out in a public restroom with George Michael, is this the fact? Just as you thought - No. Despite (probably) being gay, Tom is truly a gays-gay man, ignoring the sheer fact and putting away the super hotties one after another, I mean, have you ever gotten down with Penélope Cruz, Katie Holmes or Nicole Kidman, no thats right! The only things that puts some shadow on his love life was his same-sex marriage to fellow actor Mimi Rogers but Cruise stepped up to the plate and divorced him in 1990. And you just know that if he ever decides to embrace his gayness and come out of the closet again, he will be a super awesome gay, only hooking up with the hardest looking tom-of-finland bears, reciting butt magazine articles to anyone who wanna listen.
The verdict: Tom Cruise 1 - You 0.

Tom Cruise Day:
The Japanese are as usually on point with most things, also so when it it comes to the Tom. In October 10 of 2006, an official "Tom Cruise Day" was declared in Japan. The Japan Memorial Day Association said that he was awarded with a special day because he has made more trips to Japan than any other Hollywood star. Cruise will be honored by the Japanese people every october 10 for the rest of there lives, how many times a year do you get honored by the Japanese people (or any other people for that matter)?
Once again: Tom Cruise 1 - You 0.

Academy Awards:
He has been nominated for three Academy Awards and won three Golden Globe Awards. At tops, you have a "worlds greatest kid"-greeting card your mother gave you.
Score: Tom 1 - You 0!

Alpha Maleness:
Quite possibly the ultimate alpha male, Tom stands 1.60 cm tall off the ground, but has that stopped him? Tom is (probably) gay, has that stopped him? Tom doesn't even have the equavilent of a high school education, has that ever stopped him? Tom is dyslexic and spells at the level of what - Yeah, the level of super awesomeness!! Has it ever stopped him? Of course it hasn't! Always the leader of the pack, Tom could and would kick the shit out of you any given day if you stepped up to him, afterwards he would help you to a taxi and pay for the ride to the emergency ward, not even telling his friends, cause that's the kind of guy Tom Cruise is!
In the alpha male department: Tom Cruise 1 - You 0.

Out of touchness with life:
Yes, Tom at times seem a little out of touch with reality, so fucking what? The man is a multi billionare, living in a castle full of servants doing hot women and thinking about dianetics. Of course he doesn't wanna partake in your crappy reality. And it's not like he's out of touch in a really weird way, pissing in jars and drinking it, he hopped on a couch giggling like a little school girl! Why - because he can, he's Tom Cruise!! How many times have you even been asked on the Oprah show??
Score: Tom 1 - You 0!

Cash Money:
Tom is one of only three actors in the history of film to have seven consecutive US$100 million blockbusters. Tom eats, shits and breathes money, he could buy you several times over.
Cash Score: Tom 1 - you 0!

Kindness to Man and other animals:
As an act of total selfishness and kindness, Tom pulled out his front teeth and donated them to formerly toothless fashion journalist Sofie Fahrman, he also seem to have donated the crazy stare (i don't know how, but the Tom moves in mysterious ways, and it's not for us to question). You probably ran over a number of small animals with you car today and didn't think twice about it.
Score: Tom gets an awesome one - you a zero!

Politics:
You know it's only a matter of time before the Tom decides the next natural move in his career is into politics. Clerks-director a.k.a. Silent Bob - Kevin Smith recently stated what we all already knew: "Tom would have a great chance of winning an election because of his charm and charisma." When Tom becomes president (and you know he will) it will be the ultimate pwnage of you and the ultimate testament to his super awesomeness!
Politics Score: Tom 1 - You 0!

Final verdict: Tom Cruise = awesome, You = not very awesome!

12-Year-Old Youth Tries To Kill Soulja Boy With Stone. Explains To Police Officers "I Hate Soulja Boy”

Link to more information

Porno for the blind

Den här sammanfattningen är inte tillgänglig. Klicka här för att visa inlägget.

These pretzels are making me thirsty... Larry David to Star in new Woody Allen Movie

How much neurosis is it humanly possible to cram into a 90 minutes movie, in spring of 2009 we will find out!

In a classic Seinfeld episode, Kramer get's the "These pretzels are making me thirsty"-line as a talking role in a Woody Allen movie. He eventually gets fired from the movie because upon saying the line, he slamms down a cup, a piece of glass breaks off and ends up in Woody Allen's eye, which leads Kramer to start crying... and the Woody Allen connection continues with these latest news.

Larry David who is currently set to start filming together with Woody Allen on site in New York in spring. Besides the pretzael connection, Larry is no beginner to Woody Allen movies, he portrayed the "Communist Neighbour" and the Theater Manager in Radio Days and New York Stories respectively, but this is his first time as a leading man. The film is as of yet untitled but will star David together with Evan Rachel Wood.

A nice return to the formulatic Woody I prefer: New York setting, older jewish neurotic gentleman in the lead starring opposite a leading lady half his age, how can it be anything else but fantastic?

It's great to see Woody returning to his native New York, since 2005 he's been working exclusively in Europe. His latest flicks Matchpoint, Scoop and Cassandra’s Dream are all shot in London and the upcoming Vicky Cristina Barcelona is shot in - yeah, in Barcelona. The problem I have with the last couple of Woody movies is that they just didn't feel like 'his' movies. It's not that I don't enjoy the 'dark side' of Woody like in 'Matchpoint'. 'Interiors' was a fantastic movie, and as dark as they come, same with 'Crimes and Misdemeanors' and even 'September' who both had kind of the same premise as Matchpoint with people facing up to big moral dilemmas. The 'new dark Woody' perhaps also has something to do with not having any contact with his only biological child (with Mia Farrow) for the last ten years or so, a reacurring theme both in 'Melina and Melinda', 'Hollywood Ending' and 'Deconstructing Harry'..

It's all fine and dandy that Woody seem to have gotten his creative confidence back with Matchpoint who was a huge hit (by Woodys standards) at the box office, but it's kinda weird that it's hailed as his official return to seriousness, 'Melinda and Melinda' from the year before was also very dark, had a good premise somewhat remenissant of 'Crimes and Misdemeanors', great acting with even Will Ferell doing a good Allenistic neurotic.

Anyway, after a couple of bad years with 'Small Time Crooks' (Horrible except for the ever excellent Jon Lovitz), Hollywood Ending and 'The Curse of the Jade Scorpion' Woody is back on track, and the only thing missing was the New York setting plus some better (read older) casting, and voila- here we have it.

I have a somewhat flawed theory (that I don't particuarily like to elaborate) that for a Woody Allen movie to be really great, woody needs to get or already be romantically involved with the leading female star. Point in case Mia Farrow, Diane Keaton, not so with Scarlett Johanssen (I hope). Perhaps this phenomenon will rub off on nevly divorcee David (for those who have seen the last season of Curb, the season closely mirrored his personal life with a couple of weeks delay..) who is also a bit closer to the cradle than the grave than Woody and we'll se a hook-up with Evan Rachel Wood?

And is it to much to hope for that they start filming some new seasons of Curb soon, perhaps even paralelling the Woody shootings, it's not like it hasn't been done before and Larry has endeavoured off to NY for the Producers and that Mob role he filmed for Scorsese in earlier seasons of Curb... Anyway, 2009 will hopefully be a good year in Woody -and Larryland!

Top #5 Chris Elliott 'Get A Life!'-Moments

One of the true neglected and unsung american geniuses, I give you my top #5 Chris Elliott moments from 'Get A Life!'...

After being featured as a regular on Letterman, Chris Elliott together with friend Adam Resnick (who also wrote for Letterman) was given a sitcom on Fox. 'Get A Life!' starred Chris as 30 year old paperboy Chris Peterson living at home with his mother and father (played by Chris real life father Bob Elliott). The show ran for a total of 35 episodes, split up on two seasons from 1990 to 1992.

Absurd, surreal, offbeat and insanely funny, the show started off with a great first season but it's in the second season the madness really begins. A couple of high executives over at Fox was displeased (to say the least) with the shows direction and ratings, demanding that the characters "be more independent". Said and done, in the second season Chris moved into the garage of ex-cop Gus Borden, who likes to eat roadkill and rancid meat and was fired from the police for urinating on his boss. They also put more emphazis in killing off Chris in weird ways in every episode (pm kenny mccormick), only to be magically resurrected in the next one. You cannot help but to feel they knew they were headed for an abrupt cancellation after the second season as the insanity and absurdity grew with every episode (and was all the better for it)!

The show even featured Charlie Kaufman (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Adaptation, Being John Malkovich) as a writer, he is credited with writing two of the episodes, one being the brilliant and bizarrely named "1977 2000", where Chris, despite warnings from Gus about the dangers of time travel, has to travel back in time to stop Gus from taking a piss on his boss and subsequently getting fired off the police force.

It's pretty unfair that the show, which should have been Elliotts stepstone to super comedy stardom was such a flop and in the end seem to have slightly damaged his career. The show took the unique comedy style and utter absurdity of many of the reaccuring characters he did on the old Letterman show on NBC where he was a fixture like "The fugutive guy", "The guy under the stairs", "Marlon Brando" and took them to the next level of insanity. And while reaching pretty high humouros heights later on in CB4, Groundhog Day, Something About Mary he never quite peaked or was given the opurtunity to really shine like on Get A life!

The show will probably be the genius legacy of one of the most underrated comics ever - Some truly groundbreaking and epic stuff for the times (or any times)! So with no further adue - ze list: (Oh.. and the only donwside with these youtube clips is the laugh tracks which can be removed on the dvd releases..)

1. Zoo Animals On Wheels
"Whats the one thing all zoo animals like when thay are sad? A Light show! That's right, a light show with disco music!".

2. Chris gets smart
From the "Chris' Brain Starts Working"-episode where highly dangerous toxic waste is found under Gus's house. After being exposed to the radiactive material Chris turns into a mutated spelling bee genius and with Gus's help he proceeds to enter and win spelling bees.. until the effect wears off and he looses by misspelling the word "pants".

3. Nectar Of The Gods
Chris finds an alien Spewey, who secretes mucus from his scales which Chris proceeds to drink and refers to as "the nectar of the gods" and projectile vomits when he becomes emotional. Chris gets beaten the fuck up by Spewey for the last 3/4th of the episode, ends up eating him as barbecue but spewey is finally resurrected in the fridge and saved by his mothership.

4. Chris stalks
From the "Girlfriend 2000"-episode. Setup: Chris thinks it's one of those days where he is semi-solid and cars can go right through him, gets run over a couple of times by scientist Trisha, shows up unannounced in Trishas radiation chamber citing his ananswered love for here, encouraged by Gus he starts stalking the shit out of her. (Chris on his part gets stalked by evelyn from the pharmacy whom he bought condoms from, "incase this stalking thing pays off" in the episode finale)

5. "Handsome Boy Modeling School"
From the 'The Prettiest Week of My Life'-episode, where Chris Elliott's character enrolls to become a male model. Elliotts ambiguous reaction of self torment and self-righteousness when taking his short off: priceless! Also an interesting episode if you like your hip-hop on the semi-underground arty side. Prince Paul and Dan The Aumomator took the name of their supergroup Handsome Boy Modeling Shool from this episode, and samples from the episode are heavily features on the 'So... How's Your Girl?'-album

670 / 671 Shocker!

xlounge eames chair, leather and foam 47" x 48" x 35" 2007

Georgia Artist Mark Wentzel's latest work. The “XLounge” is a conceptual piece focusing on the “masterful design of the Eames Lounge Chair and its significance today.” It is a "statement on the conceptual weight of a design and the consumption of American culture"...

Link to more information

10:12-13 "... and the Lord brought an east wind ... [and] the east wind brought the locusts... LIKE NO OTHER"

Often when advertisers find themself in creative success, it's hard to stop them reprising the same concept over and over again until the dead horse has been beaten until unrecognition, well not so with SONY!

Going from award-winning strength to strength with bouncing balls, falling paint and now the latest ingenious ad featuring a whole lotta foam. Already in the making, a NEW ad, drawing it's concept from what seems like a bottomless well of creativity over at Sony has been announced.

SONY Bravias new advert will feature 5 billion(!) swarming locust, truly taking it to the next level in advertising as we know it. It will of course be filmed in slo-mo to the sound of Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley as interpreted by José Gonzàlez and the scary Dreijer-twins.

Danish director Nicolai Fuglsig will be repeating his role as director and was quoted explaining the concept behind this new endeavour in the latest ad weekly:
"Our AD Juan Cabral is already down on location in Canaan, worshipping the shit out of that golden lamb so we expect locust within the week and will hopefully have this mutha cut up and ready to go come early May, unless the famine hits first"

Christoper Walken is giving Optimus Prime A Tune-up In His Garage

A couple of interesting finds over at Brandon Birds site. The San Francisco-based artist divides his time between doing oil and water color art and thinking about Transformers.

Looking at all of his work as a whole, it's a bit hit and miss, a few of the pieces are just stupid and boderlines "ebay pop art", had he worked with vectors and illustrator I would have no doubt hated it, but seeing as he uses oil and watercolor he gets away with it most of the times, a few of the pieces are really great with a nice surreal feel to them. Personal favourites include "Signifier and Signified" featuring Noam Chomsky walking towards his 'chomskymobile' after doing some shopping and "No one wants to play Sega with Harrison Ford" (pretty selfexplanatory).

Other noteworthy stuff is the "Letters to Walken project". While Bird was artist-in-residence at Cornells arts dorm, he was expected to come up with a stimulating art-related programs for the students to participate in. Hence "Letters to Walken" was invented. A project which allowed the students the chance to write their yearly Christmas letter to Christopher Walken.

And don't miss out on his "Law & Order: Artistic Intent" series. Originally drawn in 2003 when Bird alledgedly "watched three or more hours of Law & Order each night". Since then as the show grew more spinoffs more pieces has been added such as the epic SVU Valentines! Law & Order art is truly the art movement of the future!

p.s. Just so there's no confusion. Walken is not really giving Optimus Prime a tune-up in his garage. Look closely and you'll see it's actually C-3PO wearing a bmx chest protector with a head based off Hoist that is getting the 'treatment'.. any questions on that one?

Iron Main Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Length Film

The Onion gets the scoop! Onion News Network reports that the one of the biggest hits of last year, the popular trailer for Iron Man will be made into a feature length film. Concerns are raised amongst fans that it may not live up to the 90 second original.

Q: Jerk of to shelving much? A: Yes!

What makes a true design classic? While it at times might seem like every concept, solution, angle and aesthetic in design has already been covered and everything you see in furniture, home and design magazines are just furnitures eighter regurgitating old ideas or just design for the heck of it, not covering any new function or brining something to the table other than crazy easthetics there are some pieces that has stood the test of time, combining excellent design with the will to cover a basic function or need, often combined eighter with new innovative (cheap) manifacturing techniques or using cheap and readilly available materials. Some that comes to mind is the myriad of Eameses 'ESU' (Eames Storeage Unit) combinations for Herman Miller, the 'George Nelson Wall Unit' (also for HM) or even the String Shelving System by Swedish Nisse Strinning. My personal favourite is the '606 Universal Shelving System' by Dieter Rahmns for Vitsœ. A design that when it was premiered was so innovative, flexible and wonderfully good looking you cannot help but to wonder how people ever managed to store anything vertically before it's invention.

Niels Vitsœ started out as an entrepreneur in the furniture industry selling Danish furniture to the booming upper middleclass in postwar Germany. Having met and become friends with fellow furnocentric designer Otto Zapf several years before, in 1958 Zapf introduced Niels to young designer Dieter Rahms. A year later in 1959, the two joined forces, founding a company called Vitsœ+Zapf to realise Rams furniture ideas. It took two years for Rams to come up with the companys initial designs (a shelving and a chair system) but in 1962 the '606 Universal Shelving System' was born.



The '606 Universal Shelving System' was deemed an emediate classic, here we had the case of a piece of furniture where form perfectly followed function, not touched upon by any current trends or fads, just a perfect solution to a common residential and commercial need. Each shelve, fixture and detail on the 606 was purely there for a purpose and true to its task.

Since the initial launch of the 606 system some small add-ons has been introduced to allow for usage with new technical inventions but the strenght of the 606 has always been its utter simplicity and flexibility, a signum that has allowed it to adapt to changing markets and trends but never made it obsolete. Still offering all of the original components and fixtures after 45+ years the 606 is truly a timeless piece of furniture. A nice additional feature is that the price deprication is non existent, you can buy the system, use it for 20 odd years and when replacing shelves or cabinets, sell on your old stuff for several times more than you initially payed for it. Perhaps the final test of just how good the 606 holds up is that I had to look at it daily for 18 years every time I took a piss on the lower bathroom in my parents house and I still love it to this day, that my friends is good design!

Link to more information

"TRENDS PRODIGY HAS SET SINCE 1992 AND STILL IS SETTING IN 2008 AND BEYOND"

Newly incarcerated 1/2 of Mobb Deep and avid blogger Prodigy, just started serving 3½ years for unlawful gun possession charges. While I cannot know or comment on what the time in prison will do for the bands future career on G-Unit Records, it's quite clear that being locked away has had a really positive impact on Prodigys writing.

It just so happens that in extent to being a great writer and rapper, Prodigy is apparenly also a trend setter extraordinaire in the hiphop (and wider) community, setting trends and also inventing many of the phenomenons and trends in fashion, the internet, fine wineing and dining we today take for granted.

Prodigy brakes down(all of?) the trends he has been setting since 1992 and is still setting today on his blog.

"TRENDS PRODIGY HAS SET SINCE 1992 AND STILL IS SETTING IN 2008 AND BEYOND:

#1 TATTOO'S ON MY CHEST, ARMS AND HAND SINCE I WAS 12 YEARS OLD

#2 RAPPING WORDS THAT DONT ALWAYS RHYME

#3 PUTTING WORDS TOGETHER THAT DONT RHYME AND MAKING THEM RHYME "big guns down in santa barbray, my crew do it the mobb way every day, crime pay who wanna gun play thrill me. niggas kill me grillin me you wanna look peep the 9 milly now undress you know the drilly. niggas suspect weak links pose threat, i have yet to met challenger who go against my set"

#4 CUSTOM MADE JEWELERY INSTEAD OF THE POPULAR MOLDS.

#5 HOW I FOLD MY BANDANA

#6 CUSTOM MADE FOOTBALL JERSEYS WIT HENNESSY and E&J ON EM'

#7 CREATING AND MAKING SLANG POPULAR LIKE ,,,,,, KIKO, CUZZO, VULTURES, BOGIES, HENNY ROCK, NOTTY HEAD, HEAD SPIN (head), BACK SPIN (pussy)

#8 MADE DRINKIN HENNESSY, E&J, LIME BACARDI, 151 POPULAR (nothin to be proud of)

#9 SAMPLING MUSIC FROM THE MOVIE SCARFACE,,,,,NOBODY DID IT BEFORE ME..NOT THE MUSIC

#10 SAMPLING MAFIA MUSIC -"crime connections" MOBB DEEP feat. CORMEGA,,,,L.E.S. BIT MY SHIT WHEN HAV LEFT MY MAFIA CD'S IN A NAS SESSION. THEN YOU HEAR SHIT LIKE "affermitive action"

#11 FIRST RAPPER WIT TATS ON MY FINGERS AND MY WHOLE NECK DONE

#12 PROTOOLS,,,,STARTED USING IT IN 98

#13 MURDA MUSIC,,EVERYBODY USES MY BLOOD SPLASH NOW

#14 WE MADE DOING SONGS FOR CHICKS COOL FOR STREET NIGGAS

#15 EVERYBODY WANNA USE THE WORD INFAMOUS NOW......THERES ONLY ONE INFAMOUS ON THE PLANET AND THATS THE INFAMOUS MOBB DEEP. WHOEVER ELL'S IS TRULY PLAYING THEYSELF. COME BETTER. I DONT SEE YOU CALLIN YA SELF NOTORIOUS,,,SO DONT USE OUR SHIT...YOU LOOK AND SOUND STUPID.

#16 ALOT OF PEOPLE ARE CALLIN THEY SELF A MOBB WIT 2 B'S,,,,,YOU ARE A EXTRA DICK RIDER. I CREATED THE 2 B SHIT JUST SO WE COULD STAND OUT,,,PLEASE STOP IT.

#17 THIS BELONGS AT THE TOP,,,,,,,,,PRODIGY AND HAVOC. AFTER ME AND HAV NAMES WERE IN THE SOURCE UN-SIGNED HYPE COLUM, THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME OUR NAMES WERE EVER PRINTED AND OUTTA NOWHERE POP'S UP A prodijee and havik from the west coast????????? THEM NIGGA BIT OUR NAMES...THERES NO WAY IN THE UNIVERSE THAT SOMEBODY ELL'S COULD PUT THOSE 2 NAMES TOGETHER BY COINCEDENCE. TOTALY IMPOSSIBLE. WE BUMPED INTO THEM NIGGAS AT JACK THE RAPPER IN ATLANTA BACK IN 93 AND WE STEPPED TO THEM. ASK D.J. PREMEIR, GURU, LIL DAP, 40GLOCC AND A GANG OF OTHER WITNESSES THAT SAW THE CONFRONTATION. THEM NIGGAS WAS SHOOK.

#18 TIMBERLAND BOOTS...THESE RACIST FUCC'S OWE US MILLIONS. THEY NEVER DO AD'S USING BLACK PEOPLE OR RAPPERS AS MUCH AS WE PROMOTED THEY SHIT.

#19 WEB SITES, I HAD INFAMOUSSTORES.COM AND WAS WRITING BLOGS BACK IN 99 LONG BEFORE IT BECAME POPULAR IN HIP HOP TO HAVE A WEB SITE.

#20 PUTTIN THE VIDEO ON THE NET BEFORE PEOPLE EVEN HEAR THE SONG ON MIX-CD'S OR RADIO. MAC 10 HANDLE WAS THE FIRST VIDEO TO HIT THE NET FIRST, AND THE FIRST TIME SOMEBODY SHOT A BIG VIDEO FOR A MIX-CD PERIOD.

#21 NO MORE JEWELERY, RIMS, OR LIFESTYLE OF THE BEAST. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY TREND SETTING, LOOK AT WHAT I BRING TO THE TABLE.

#22 NO MORE FLASHY, DANCY, RADIO FREINDLY , CLUB SONGS..HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY TREND SETTING, LOOK AT WHAT I BRING TO THE TABLE.

#23 MAKING EXPOSING THE ILLUMINATI, SECRET GOVERNMENT AND HIDDEN TRUTHS THAT NEW HOT SHIT... PEOPLE DO IT, BUT NOT LIKE P. I BEEN DOIN IT SINCE 96... JUST LISTEN TO MY BEATS AND HOW I MAKE THIS SHIT SO THAT THE REAL HOOD NIGGAS CAN GET INTO IT.... THESE FAGGOT CONCIOUS RAPPERS WILL NEVER REACH THE CROWED OF KILLERS THAT I REACH....HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY TREND SETTING, LOOK AT WHAT I BRING TO THE TABLE.

#24 I MAKE OLD WASHED UP RAPPERS WANNA GO BACK IN THE STUDIO AND DO IT ONE MORE TIME!! THESE DUSTY, RUSTY, RETIRED RAP NIGGAS GET THAT OLD FEELING BACK WHEN THEY HEAR MY MUSIC AND SEE HOW I DONT STOP... ITS HILLARIOUS TO HEAR AND SEE THEM TRY TO KEEP IT COMING LIKE ME. WE NOT THE SAME HOMEBOY!!,,,,WHATS EVEN MORE FUNNY IS THE CONCIOUS RAPPERS THAT GET HYPE CAUSE THEY HEAR MY LYRICS AND THEY BE LIKE "yes our time is here" BUT NO YA TIME IS NOT! WE NOT THE SAME HOMEBOY!! YOU NOT A REBEL SOLDIER....YOU NOT A INSURGENT.. PLEASE....GO HOME

#25 DEMEROL, MORPHINE, HEROINE RAP'S,,,,,I STARTED SAYIN ALL THIS CAUSE I WRITE RHYME WHILE IM SICK IN THE HOSPITAL ACTUALLY GETTIN THESE DRUGS... SAYIN YA SHIT IS LIKE CRACK, COKE ANS WHAT HAVE YOU I STARTED DOING THAT BACK ON D.J. CLUE MIX TAPES FIRST TIME WAS ON THE MOTHERLESS CHILD BEAT...ME AND TY-NITTY

#26 I COULD JUST KEEP GOING BUT NOW I'M TIRED... HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY TREND SETTING, LOOK AT WHAT I BRING TO THE TABLE."

Much respect to the P (still not free).

alt.nerd.obsessive

Mixing the original Star Trek with stuff from The Next Generation series? A abdomination some might say, much in the lines of a ferengi mating with a Cardassian.

The true purist might have an issue putting artwork portraying classical moments from the original Star Trek TV series in the same room as new inventios like the holodeck and the not-so retro command deck from The Next Generation. Well, not so in the mind of American artist Devorah Sperber!



Devorah uses signature "Thread Spool" pieces in her works comprised of chenille stems and beads. Her latest exhibition 'Mirror Universe' introduces a series of standing figures and interiors composed of semi translucent beads; depicting the the original Star Trek characters in classic scenes and in the process of “beaming up”, plus newer "interior pieces" from the Starship Enterprise. Awesome shit!

Devorah Sperber - Mirror Universe
March 20 - April 26, 2008

Caren Golden Fine Art
539 West 23rd Street
New York, NY 10011
Tel. 212.727.8304

Note to self: remember to tap into the underexplored huge potential market of crossover sci-fi art/merchandise..

Link to more information

What if Michel Gondry Had Directed Tron?

Tron guy gets some stiff interweb competition! The lightning cycle sequence from Tron recreated using cardboard and stop-motion!

Chuck Klosterman New President Of The K.D. Lang Appreciation Society

Pop culture journalist and author Chuck Klosterman has just been elected new president of the K.D. Lang appreciation society. I had a few quick words with mr Klosterman on a bad transatlantic phone line.

ATPILATTAD: Congratulations Chuck, how did all this come about?

CK: Thanks. Well as you might know, I was previously president of the Brian Posehn appreciation society, but since finding out Brian from the sarah silverman program was a fictional character I felt a fresh start was in order.

ATPILATTAD: "interesting, please elaborate"

CK: Well, as anyone who's read my book ”Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story” knows, the best bits from my record collection are eighter Whitesnake or K.D., and since my hair is pretty short, here we are."

ATPILATTAD: "Thanks for your time Chuck."

CK: "My pleasure."

Be all the fashion blog that you can be!

All of the fashion forward blogs are reporting this, and so will I! British Vogue just reported that Rei Kawakubo of Comme des Garçons has been confirmed as new guest designer in H&Ms ongoing groundbreaking endeavour of hiring actual clothing designers to design their clothing(!). Some truly forward thinking right there.

Never beeing a fan of the de/re-constructed madness of the mainline and multitude of sublines under the CDG umbrella (well, I like the "shirt" line a bit, plain and overpriced, just up my alley), the HM collaboration will atleast be a velcome change from the overtly catchy stuff Lagerfeld and Cavalli chunked out.. Or it might not, and we'll end up with puffy arms and shirt buttons the size of saucers.. well see..

The New York Times style magazine posted an article a couple of weeks ago profiling Rei, the background, and covering most of the sub brands that run under CGD. A pretty interesting read if you have some interest in Japanese fashion.

(I actually just posted this to point out the amusing similarity to pint-sized fashion designer Edna Mode from Disneys The Incredibles, Rei Kawakubo down to a tee, with maybe a little bit of Edith Head thrown in there..)

Clan in da Front - Wu-Tang IQ Test

As testified by many a scholar, the GZA is a renowned scientologist as well as a member of Mensa, Prometheus Society and the 1 Percent Club. Having an IQ of 23495842 (he insisted on taking the IQ test over and over until he got a question wrong, but eventually got tired), he can also approach speeds of over 2000 MPH while sitting down and is alledgedly "formin like Voltron".

Feeling the intellectual demise of the blog as of late, i decided, as a sevice to all the aspiring geniuses amongst the readers, to put toghether this Wu-Tang IQ Test. Are you as clever as the RZA, or as creative with problem solving as the GZA.. only one way to find out!

Please note: If you feel you may have an educational problem, a learning disability, or a psychological problem, then you should consult with a professional psychologist or psychiatrist before you take this test. And remember that scoring well on a Wu-Tang IQ test is no automatic guarantee of success in life.

1. A pie can be cut into more than seven pieces by making four diameter cuts. Bobby Steels aspires to:

A. Cut the pie five ways
B. Cut the pie two ways

2. Johnny fucking Blaze feels strongly that:

A. Criminology does pay
B. Criminology does not pay

3. This sequence of four words, "shaolin, swordstyle, osiris, fishscale," corresponds to this sequence of numbers "3, 8, 12, 5."

A. True
B. False

4. U-God was both 3rd highest and 3rd lowest in a game of chessboxing. Who participated in the game?

A. U-God, Masta Killa, Cappadonna, Inspectah Deck
B. U-God, Masta Killa, Cappadonna, Inspectah Deck, The GZA
C. U-God, Masta Killa, Cappadonna, Inspectah Deck, The GZA, The RZA

5. Which one of the following is NOT a favourite past time for The Method Man:

A. "Cutting off you're fucking eyelids and feed you nothing but sleeping pills"
B. "Sewing your asshole closed and feeding you, and feeding you and feeding you"
C. "Be the man whose lonely without you" and/or "walk 500 miles"

6. When Big Baby Jesus is halted by the police, a bag containing WHAT is not likely to be found in his posession:

A. Oatmeal
B. Montana Mishmash
C. Tricks

7. A kilo is a thousand grams, its easy to remember. Tony Starks can measure up two kilos in five minutes. How many Tony Starks will it take to measure up 20 kilos in ten minutes?

A. 3 Tony Starks
B. 5 Tony Starks
C. 7 Tony Starks

8. At the end of a Wu-banquet, all 10 members of the Wu-Tang Clan shake hands with each other. How many handshakes will there be in total?

A. 30
B. 45
C. 50

9. "Can It Be All So Simple"



A. All the lovers I've lost
B. My relatives in Sweden
C. Niggas who do drive-bys

10. Raekwon da Chef is to Making c.r.e.a.m. like ODB is to making:

A. Babies
B. Out
C. Shimmy Shimmy Ya

Please submit your answers in the commentary section for a chance to win an old issue of URB magazine..

Take the money and run!

Feels like an April fools joke, but apparently it isn't. This news story just started making the rounds on all the major news sites..

In May of this year, dirty hipster and founder of American Apparel Dov Charney (I always thought he was a fictious character invented by Vice magazine, but apparently he exists irl..) decided to move avay from his standard ad material using lightly spandex clad girls with sloppy make-up, to using the original Jewish hipster, the talmud chacham - Woody Allen, on billboards in LA and New York, using a still from Annie Hall, claiming him a their spiritual leader. Allen, who apparently never has endorsed any products in the US just filed a lawsuit claiming $10 mil in damages.

Would the lawsuit have been for more or less had the billboard been a 'standard' AA ad, featuring Woody Allen crotch shots, showing of his 70year old package in spandex... we can only speculate..

Anyway, full story reads:

"Woody Allen sues American Apparel over Rabbi Billboard!

Woody Allen asked a federal court on Monday to strip a clothing company known for its racy ads featuring scantily clad models of at least $10 million for using his image on billboards and on the Internet.

In a lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, the actor-director said he does not endorse commercial products or services in the United States, which makes the May 2007 American Apparel billboards in Hollywood and New York and Web site displays "especially egregious and damaging."

The lawsuit said Allen was not contacted by the company and did not consent to the use of his image, which was taken from one of his movies.

American Apparel Inc., which is based in Los Angeles and operates worldwide, did not immediately reply to a telephone message seeking comment Monday.

The lawsuit complained of a billboard featuring a frame from "Annie Hall," a film that won Allen a best director Oscar. The image showed Allen, 72, dressed as a Hasidic Jew with a long beard and black hat and Yiddish text meaning "the holy rebbe." The words "American Apparel" also were on the billboard.

The billboard falsely implied that Allen sponsored, endorsed or was associated with American Apparel, said the lawsuit, which seeks at least $10 million in compensatory damages and unspecified punitive damages.

Allen's lawsuit describes him as among the most influential figures in the history of American film and a man who has maintained strict control over the projects with which he is associated.

The lawsuit accuses American Apparel of "blatant misappropriation and commercial use of Allen's image" and notes that the company on its Web site promotes itself as one known for "provocative photography."

In a news release two weeks ago, American Apparel Chairman Dov Charney called 2007 the company's most successful year and said the company planned to develop "into a pre-eminent global retail brand."

As of February 2007, American Apparel had more than 6,700 employees and operated 184 retail stores in 13 countries, according to its latest earnings release."

Let's have a black celebration

Trying to get in just that right mood for the fourth season premiere of Battlestar Galactica, I watched the rerun of "Act of Contrition" from the first season on Swedish Channel 5 yesterday.

If you need evidence as to why the series creator Ronald D. Moore and his writers can provide us with such dark wonderful television, look no further than to this episode!

Moore infamously explained in the episode podcasts for season 1 that literally the only time the Sci fi Channel has asked him to change something in the first two seasons, was early in production when they were a bit uneasy about the extremely dark tone of the series. Hence the network asked if Moore could insert some lighter material, such as everyone having a birthday party for someone.

The result can be seen in said episode. Moore sarcastically inserted a scene into the beginning of "Act of Contrition", in which a large number of pilots have a party to celebrate one of the pilots 1000th landing, when a bomb accidentally falls from some old fauly webbings and goes off, killing most and seriously injuring a few. Moore has said that Sci-Fi Channel responded by saying "yes, we get it" and never tried to interfere in the running of the series again.

Only four days to April 4th and the season premiere("pepp", "pepp")!

Happy Birthday mr Walken - The sinister hair theory!

Earlier today I was informed by a friend that this was not just any ordinary Monday, March 31 2008 is also the day that Christopher Walken turns 65! Being the official age of retirement here in Sweden, mr Walken shows no sign of slowing down. Turning out more than five new movies a year at an agerage, Walken only seems to get more productive as he ages. So a big "Hep Hep Hooray" is in order to the king of hairstyles!

I've always had the theory that to sucessfully portrait a antagonist in a movie, the key is more than often the hair! To fulfill the criteria of true villainy, our antagonist must spot a really crazy hair-do to truly distance himself and his wicked ways from the viewing audience, filling them with discomfort or even fear for what that mad man and his hairdoo will do next.

This phenomena does'nt just apply to movie villains, it would seem that "the walken" hair phenomenon can be applied to much of creative (indie) hollywood as a whole, Christopher Walken is just the top of the iceberg, following (or leading) in a great American hair tradition of other creatives such as Jim Jarmusch, David Lynch, Cosmo Kramer and David Cronenberg. 'Big Walken Hair >= Creative Genius', seems to be an equation that holds atleast some truth to it.

Interestingly enough, this seems to be solely an American phenomenon, you rarely if ever see this kind of hairstyle in Europe, I sure as hell would wanna be able to spot this kind of hairdoo, having tried and failed in the past. Finish indie king Aki Kaurismaki also dabbled around with a style of 'doo in the 80s, but later gave up for a more traditional haircut as he never quite got it right. Is this kind of hair genetically predisposed to the American population, is it something in the food, I honestly don't know, but it baffles and filles me with envy on a daily basis.

Well, this hypothetical theory had to be tried out, using utmost sofisticated scientifical thinking, I present you with a theorem that will baffle critical philosophers for eons: THE SINISTER HAIR THEORY:


The Deer Hunter(1978) - Nick

Walken starts off with a fairly regular haircut (if somewhat ungroomed), being a fairly normal person back in rural america, but as the events unfold in the Vietnam POW camp ending in Walken playing russian roulette for kicks, Walken digresses further and further into insanity, and so does his haircut. Not a crazy haircut per se, just a very unwashed short 'do, crowned with a giant red (kinda crazy looking) bandana. The final verdict on sinisterness v.s. veird harcut is


Weird Hairness - 5 out of ten (actually a three, and that is only in the last part of the movie, but a colored bandana automatically adds two points of craziness to all scores)

Evilness - well, not really crazy evil, but highly deluded at the end and as so, a danger to the general public so a three is in order.


The Prophecy(1995) - Gabriel

In the Prophecy, Walken portraits the archangel Gabriel, who comes to Earth to collect a soul which will end the stalemated war in Heaven (to the "bad sides" favour). Yeah, you guessed it, playing Gabriel and doing the work of satan (Viggo Mortensen) doesn't get you any points for being a nice guy. Plus, walken is spotting a real crazy backslick that looks glued on! Final sinisterness v.s. veird harcutness is a booming:


Weird Hairness - 9 out of ten, Rocking a toupé that looks glued on is - if not the height of weirdness, at least aspiring to the throne!

General Evilness - Doing the work of satan, a solid 10 out of 10, which makes it an almost perfect correlation between hair vs evil!


A View To A Kill(1985) - Max Zorin

Max Zorin, supervillain of the James Bond movie A View To A Kill was the result of Nazi medical experimentation during World War II, in which pregnant women were injected with massive quantities of steroids in an attempt to create "super-children." Most of the pregnancies failed but the few surviving babies grew to become extraordinarily intelligent—but also psychopathic.


Hair Weirdness - Dyed White, an extra high backslick that works wonders in combination with Walkens already high hairline, giving it a very aristocratic coneheadish appearance. Not Lyle lovett crazy hair in any sense, but it has a nice toned-down calculating weirdness to it - a solid 7 out of ten!

Evilness - Superintelligent nazi-baby, KGB affiliation, tries to destroy his competition in Silicon Valley by triggering a massive earthquake, causing the valley to flood - not a danger to man kind as a whole but still, pretty fucking evil! a 6 out of ten!


The Dead Zone(1983) - Johnny Smith

In the 1983 movie The Dead Zone (Directed by fellow excentric hairperson David Chronenberg) Walken starrs as a New England schoolteacher, who after a car accident that sends him into a coma wakes up after five years only to finds out he has the ability to see into the future.


Hair Weirdness - Not any actually, Walken opted for a lot of mousse and hairdrying in this early role, the consequence of course being the character turns out to be our storys hero.

Evilness of character- Quite the oposite, Walkens character prevents a nuclear holocaust, presumably saving all of civilization, possibly thanks to his very normal 'do, hence the sinister hair theorem holds true!


Balls of Fury(2007) - Feng

Ping-Pong comedy (Eat your heart out pingpong Kingen), starring Walken as master criminal Fong, hosting a "sudden death" Ping Pong tournament – everyone who loses is shot with a poisoned dart and dies.


Hair-craziness: Not so much as one might believe.. Yes, Walkens hairdo's are clearly over-the-top, but the genius of Walkens weird hairdo's lies not in general hair volume but in the small details of it. Doing a Luis XIV and adding a bigass braid does'nt make a Walken hairdo. Walken generally does not let the hardo wear him, but the other way around.. Not so in this movie, a weak 2!

General sinisterness: Yes, Walken trades in arms, and yes, he kills people with poisenous darts for the pure fun of it. One can not help but to feel that under this hard shell lies the heart of a young ping-pong loving boy, beautifully portrayed in Walkens low key acting as the fragile Fong. A 1 (out of 10) in wickedness!


A Blast From The Past(1999) - Calvin Webber

Walken portrais a eccentric and paranoid nuclear physicist. His extreme fear of a nuclear holocaust leads him to build an enormous self-sustaining fallout shelter beneath his Los Angeles home. A jet plane crashed in the proximity of his house leaving Walken to think he and his family are the sole survivors of a nuclear war. They subsecuently lock themself into the shelter for 35 years.


Hair Weirdness - This is classic Walken crazyness - a classic crewcut style with just that small, small hint of fluff going on in selected places. The kind of hairdo Robert DeNiro probably lusted over for his cast when making the Good Shepard, but of course never perfected. A hairstyle that wispers of eccentricism, paranoia and madness, perfected only by one man! A solid 10 out of ten, what else?

Evilness of character - On the surface, Walken portraits a scholar and a scientist, i.e. a well educated man with a family. It's pretty hard to believe he is oblivious to that there isn't any war going on outside his bunker, which leaves us to believe he is holding his family captive in the underground shelter just for the pure evil of it. A charachter much in the line with Buffalo Bill, John Wayne Gacy, and other unplesant people, resulting in a whoppering 10 out of ten for Evilness. Once again, perfect correlation and hence our theorem once again holds true!

*Edit

Other Walken Hair-Classics are The Hessian Horseman in Sleepy Hollow (10/10 in both wickedness and harweirdness), Vincenzo Coccotti in True Romance (7/7, sporting a classic crazy mafioso harstyle tortureing Dennis Hopper), Colonel Cutten in Antz (8/9 , Quite clearly a very unpleasant faschist ant with weird ant hair).. Theorem still holds...