The unbearable nakedness of streetwear

from: ******@gmail.com
subject: The incident at SlamJam Milan
date: wednesday 14 may 2008 09.13.12 GMT+02:00
to: ********@slamjam.com

Dear Customer Service,

Let me first say that I have enjoyed your fine customer support in the past and the countless items I have bought from you and the SlamJam webshop over the years. I have definitely seen the results of the obvious hard work you and the rest of the staff has put into the creation of both your web -and your physical stores and the streetwear gems you provide to the european public.

I'm sure the news of the nude man being forcibly thrown out of your Milan store last Saturday afternoon by two members of your (very well dressed) store staff has reached you at the web department by this point. I was that man. I would very much like the opportunity to explain my side of the story and the background to the events that prompted two of your staff to physically throw me out of the store (I do not speak Italian, but I'm quite certain the taller of the staff member with the slight beard also insulted me in your language).

I would first like to clear up the cause of my nakedness. Obviously I didnt enter your store without any clothing on, I would never do such a thing, and your staff would hardly have allowed me entrance had I tried. It all started in your dressing room. I do not normally use dressing rooms, in fact, I avoid them with a vengance. I often feel very uneasy when confined to such a small closed space as a dressing room. When shopping for clothes I make a habit of buying several sizes of one item and trying them on at home, finding the right one suited to my generous build and returning the rest. Hovever, last weekend I was away on a business trip to Milan, having saturday off, I decided to give your store a visit since I only ever had contact with your webstore in the past.

First let me explain that when entering such small confined spaces as a dressing room I get very anxious and as a result have to remove all of my clothes, I have motives for doing so and I would rather not get into that here and now. It's a personal thing so lets just leave it at that. The point is, after gathering a few carefully selected items from within your store (a neighborhood striped apron shirt and a pair of resonate patchwork shorts), I went into the dressingroom and got completely naked. Being a very small dressing room I slipped the clothing I was wearing under the gap to the outside of the dressing room, but I would have never thought that some rotten thief would swipe my garments in such a nice store as yours while I tried on my carefully selected items. Nevertheless, that's what happened last saturday and therefore this is the reason I showed up naked inside your store.

Instead of assisting me in apprehending the clothing thief or even taking a moment to inquire how I became stripped of my clothing, I was tackled by your two employees and subsequently dragged out the front door. I was not given the chance to clarify my situation to the staff, they simply ignored my pleas, the slightly bearded tall man simply screamed at me in italian and repeated the word "police", by their tone of voice I assume the pledge for the police was in regards to my nakedness in your store and not for a helping hand in alerting the authorities to the precence of a clothing thief nearby. As if I and not the thief should be of interest for the police.

Needless to say, finding a taxi in Milan for a generously built naked swedish guy is not an easy task, luckily my hotel was located nearby at Via Luigi Porro Lambertenghi, but I cannot stress enough how awkward the run back to the hotel was.

This is my explanation to the story, though a few loose ends remain. I hold SlamJam primarily responsible for the loss of my clothing, which included the following:

A Neighborhood T-Shirt in XXL (mind, these are very hard to come by in this size)
A pair of Zara boxer shorts
A pair of Neighborhood 'Savage Basic' Jeans
A pair of 'Cowhide' Visvim FBT size 11
A SonyEricsson W910i Cell phone
A TruckerCap with the words "Jävla måsar"

My Wallet containing:

hotel roomcard (which I had to reimburse the loss of with the sum of 50 Euros)
a picture of my cat "pixie"
Master/Visacard
Approx 120 Euros in Cash
etc..

All of these things were stolen from me in your dressing room last saturday and due to the thoughtless actions your store staff chose to take in throwing me out naked into the street I failed to apprehend the thief who stole my property. In a nutshell, the employees at SlamJam allowed the clothing thief to flee! Now that you know exactly what transpired last saturday, I would like to know what you plan to do to amend this as I would like to return to your store with dignity at a later time. I want the truth and not some made up bogus explanation. Keep in mind that I am not a person that you can easily fool, so please do not attempt to patronize me. Pending the response to this matter, I will postpone the further purchase of any products from your webstore.

Regards

xxxxx, Sweden